Most of us have “lost our sh*t” at some point in our lives. Perhaps it was a bad break-up, a divorce, or the death of a loved one. Maybe we had to move far away from everything and everyone we know and love. Perhaps we hit rock bottom with our behaviors, bad habits, or addictions. Maybe we finally lost our temper and unleashed our wrath upon the world. Or we had a health scare or some other personal crisis that made us “wake up” and start appreciating our lives. Maybe we just lost our confidence, our job, a friend, or our money. No matter how it happens, losing our sh*t can be the catalyst for finally finding ourselves.
As we heal, process our situations, or come to grips with our new realities, we can discover more about ourselves than we ever thought possible. We learn more about adjustment and our own inner strength when things go awry. Clarity and life direction often appear as a result of less than perfect circumstances.
The true test of human character and resilience (our will to survive), comes after we lose our sh*t.
Losing helps us come back stronger because it is temporary and can serve as a learning moment if we let it. All too often, we want to be shielded from discomfort or disappointment. We wish to avoid the uneasy. Sometimes we protect ourselves by resisting conflict at all costs, even if it means sacrificing our own happiness. What we are really resisting is inevitable change. We resist break-ups, job changes, doctor’s visits, or severing ties with the people in our lives who are not contributing to our happiness or well-being. We fail to recognize that it is the disappointment that helps us figure things out, even though disappointment can take a while to work through. Failures, obstacles, setbacks, and personal loss can serve as the tension necessary to spark the ignition of the fire we all need to help us change. How do we turn obstacles into stepping stones?
We give it time. Distance from the problem is a terrific healer. The more time spent away from an life changing event and its’ aftermath, the better. We must trust time to do its’ job. We can use it wisely and with our own best interest at heart to reflect upon the types of changes we apparently need to make. This is especially true when it comes to heartbreak. Divorce or a messy break-up can leave us in a puddle of emotional distress. It can make us feel empty and dead inside. Filling that empty space with the gift of time and self-care will bring us back to life.
We network. We should make a point of checking in with people we know well. We can do this easily through social media and other technology. It’s surprising how many people reach back to us when we reach out first. “Our” people generally want to help if given the chance. It’s about opening doors instead of closing them. This is especially true when it comes to finding new jobs or meeting new people.
We get help. Getting help for our self sabotaging ways is important. If we are depressed or overwhelmed by problems that aren’t going away (addictions, for example), seeking professional help is imperative. Getting new tools for coping while searching for the root of the problem is key. Medication can be essential as well. Getting help is often the only solution when we are dealing with detrimental behaviors or social issues.
We sever ties. If there are people in our lives who prove time and time again that they are a danger to our well being, it’s important to “cut them off” and stop seeking engagement. As we move away from co-dependency and enabling behaviors, we must look within ourselves. This means less time for others and their lives/problems, and more time for our own personal growth. Learning to do this is important because we are not here to solve the problems of others, or change their opinions, or even spend a lot of our own energy convincing them to change. We are here to manifest our own true happy selves by solving our own issues. We need to stop picking up and carrying other people’s sh*t.
We rebuild. We may often feel like we can’t start over, when one very simple fact of life is that we wake up each morning with a new day to do new things differently. Every day is saturated with possibility. If we trust our intellect, our instincts, and our problem-solving skills, we can find solutions or squeeze out some new ideas for new directions and essentially rebuild our own circumstances. We must see every day as an opportunity to begin again.
We commit to change. Modifying our behaviors so that our lives serve us instead of block us is essential. This could, for example, mean that we need to get the weight off, put our phones down, work on our reactive natures, or re-evaluate our relationships, to name but a few. Maybe it’s time to finally seek help. Maybe it’s time to finally ask ourselves what we are so afraid of in our lives. Change is about action and taking action is scary because we are setting off into the unknown. But making a commitment to change is the only step necessary to actually mold our lives differently.
We make new friends. We can put our energy into new human beings…ones that share the same ideas and convictions and interests as we do. We can stop “putting up” with detrimental people – people that exasperate us and sap our energy, and start cultivating friendships that actually mean something. Friendships that are reciprocated in a healthy and giving way are the only friendships worth having. Of course we do not have to agree with our friends all the time, but mutual respect and admiration is the key ingredient for any friendship.
We move forward. With new intentions and hope in our lives, we can move ahead with a sense of renewal and strength. Moving forward means that we are willing to leave some things behind – bad behaviors, harmful people, addictions, our own sadness or sense of loss, or our old, stagnant habits. Moving forward and away, instead of backtracking or wallowing in despair, is vital for finding our own inner strength.
Life isn’t perfect most of the time. Perhaps it comes with age or experience, but somehow, over time, and through our ordeals, we will learn to recognize and savor some of the “perfect” moments in life (honest joy, goals met, new love) that we used to take for granted – those moments when everything seems right with the world. In doing so, we then learn to mindfully handle life’s curve balls with grace and serenity.
There are so many ways we can find ourselves again after we lose our sh*t. We can give ourselves time to heal, we can reach out to other people, and we can make the difficult choice to end certain relationships. We can also rebuild our lives and we can change our behaviors so that we can confidently move forward with a renewed sense of hope. We are people after all – living, breathing, thinking, courageous, and time-tested people.
And we have it within us to discover ourselves over and over again.
This article appears on Elephant Journal: How Losing our Sh*t Helps Us Find Ourselves