Inspirational quotes posted to Facebook…greeting cards with fluffy words of encouragement…advice from other people…you hear it all the time:
“Just try to be the best version of yourself!”
Blah, blah, blah. It sounds nice and all, but what does that actually mean?
Over the years, I’ve presented various versions of myself – many of them “pretty good” but a lot of them not pretty at all. I muddled through my days, hoping to make some changes and hoping to become happier, but not really doing anything significant to make strides in that direction. In recent years, I’ve discovered clarity and higher self esteem through fitness and better communication. I have come to genuinely understand that the best version of myself is often kind, and consistently happy. Being the best version of myself means being physically and emotionally fit, as well as drama-free. It means choosing to give or to love or to be authentic in response to easy and uneasy situations in life. When you are making personal choices that push you in a negative direction, it’s not possible to be the best version of yourself. Being the best version of yourself means doing what you say you’re going to do, sticking up for yourself, and doing what is honorable in any given situation as often as you possibly can. It doesn’t mean getting your own way all the time, or acting like you know everything. All it means is that you are being heard, and your needs are being met. It means going about your day in an organized manner so that you can carry out all the things you want to accomplish in order to feel peaceful and go to bed happy.
The other day I was in line at a thrift store. I had a cart full of awesome stuff (a.k.a. stuff I don’t need at all), and there was this odd, older woman behind me. She seemed a bit “off” and you know what I’m talking about – baffling choice of attire, messy hair, too much makeup, and a strange little shuffle. The flippant, snarky side of me would have referred to her as “crazy eyes” like the character from the TV series, Orange is the New Black. She was trying to talk to me and she made several comments about the stuff in my basket, the fact that it was raining, my jacket, and how she bakes bread in the morning. Seriously, in a matter of minutes, her comments ran through a broad spectrum of completely unrelated topics. My “knee-jerk” reaction a few years ago would have been to roll my eyes, and maybe ignore her or look away. I may have murmured something in response but that would have been it. Instead I decided right then and there to turn toward her and engage in the conversation. Her whole face lit up as she proceeded to tell me about her kids and her grandchildren and what a total “witch” her sons’ wife is…like a real witch I guess. She covered pretty much everything she could think of in a span of ten minutes. I realized, in the moment, that she just needed someone to talk to. I definitely would not have recognized this years ago when I was actively wrestling my demons, not concerning myself with people like her. I knew and felt in a profound way that I was being the best version of myself to that woman in that moment, just by simply listening. I don’t intend to imply that she was some sort of charity case or that I’m just so wonderful for talking to this odd lady. But making the choice to be engaged instead of annoyed most certainly lead to a sense of well being that didn’t come from the treasure hunting trip itself (though fun), or the things I bought that day. Choosing to be kind in that moment evoked my acute awareness of the human condition and our innate need to be heard. A positive, simple interaction with another human being can change the karma, the emotional trajectory of a person’s whole day. This happens a lot when you are being the best version of yourself. Plus, as I found out, she was super interesting, animated and fun to talk to. She also had her hands on a very cool, vintage Grateful Dead T-shirt that should have been mine.
Choosing patience, kindness and engagement with others instead of judgement, apathy or disdain is just like choosing NOT to honk your horn when the person in front of you doesn’t see the green light. It’s the same as choosing compassion instead of anger or frustration when the baby on the plane won’t stop crying. These choices bring about the best version of yourself.
It also means working out when you don’t want to. It means doing what you say you’re going to do, even when you don’t want to. It means truly practicing self respect every damn day, even if it’s hard. Being true to yourself actually does take practice and repetition. It means being cognizant that other people are struggling with things you might not possibly imagine: loneliness, lack of friendship, physical or mental ailments, addiction, and depression to name but a few. And, conversely, being the best version of yourself also means being genuinely happy for other people when good things are happening to them because you know in your heart that you have enough, and that you are enough.
The best version of yourself comes from a series of choices you make each day. When you understand that your life, your health, and your relationships are gifts, you can be the best version of yourself by quietly paying your good will forward as much as possible. It’s recognizing that sometimes, the opportunity to be true to who you are might come in small moments, like it did for me in that thrift store the other day. When you choose to be your best, true self, in whatever form that takes, you will find, indeed, that your constant search for happiness turns into simply being happy. It’s then that who you present to the world shifts from a mere version of yourself, to who you actually are instead.