“Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity –
To seize everything you ever wanted. In one moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?
Your palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on your sweater already…”
~ The Oscar Award winning song by Eminem. Seriously, he won an Oscar.
I’ve included these lyrics because this is what my very first race felt like. I had never done a race of any kind before and it felt the Olympics. It was scary and thrilling and rewarding and I’ve been hooked on “small races” ever since. They keep me focused on my fitness and I’ve somehow improved my time with each race.
If you ever want to run a race, just sign up for one. Just do it, but make sure it’s two months away. This gives you plenty of time to obsess over it. I am currently obsessing over a 10K that I plan to do in October. I’ve done quite a few 5K’s, several 4 milers and a 5 miler, but I’ve never run a 10K (6+ miles) so it will be new to me. Don’t judge. Once it’s on the calendar, there’s no going back because A) you paid for it, and more importantly B) you made a promise to yourself and you’re not going to break your promise, right?
When I decided to run my first race, it seemed like a good goal – but somewhat unattainable. My very first race was the adorably named “Hot Cocoa 5K” in Cheshire, CT, and I ran it last November 22nd. Before this race, I had started running more regularly, (a few miles here and there), and I thought, what better way to motivate and push myself a bit than to quietly sign up for a race and actually go through with it? It was awesome and I somehow picked a good one! Great sponsors and tons of swag. I did well (exactly one second under 30 minutes) for someone who was “not a real runner” and felt a degree of accomplishment that a person can only get when a goal is set and then miraculously met.
When I arrived, the first thing I noticed was that this small, cute, race wasn’t exactly that small. There were over 700 runners signed up! It was a well-attended run that had become a tradition for many people. I milled around with everyone, and psyched myself up. It was cold. But, I realize now that “cold” to me that day was 37 degrees. This is of course laughable now that I successfully braved running throughout the winter when temps were in the teens. It’s not ideal to run when it’s cold, but it can be done. I kept telling myself (and I still do this) that I was only there to exercise. In terms of distance, I had run 3 miles a few times before and this race was no big deal – a 5K is basically 3 miles. I told myself to just run, get my exercise in for the day, and simply stop worrying about it. The only thing I wanted to do was finish and that was all.
A race can wreak havoc on you if you are innately competitive…and deep down I sure am! At the start, I pictured myself flying ahead of all the other runners! I pictured myself accepting the award for my age group! So, I shot out quickly…only to realize after the first mile that my pace was ridiculous. I made the adjustment, begrudgingly. There’s just something about a race that jacks it up a notch. I wanted to finish strong. I kept an eye on my “distance app” like it was my job. Every 10th of a mile put me closer to the finish line. The interesting thing about a race is some of the people who I thought “looked like runners” were actually on the slower side, while the people who didn’t quite fit the “runner’s body” build that I always imagined (maybe a little over weight, maybe a little older, etc.) were flying up ahead like world class athletes. This phenomenon exists in running, and this first race totally dispelled my vision of what a runner looks like. A runner comes in all shapes and sizes. For example, the old guy in front of me was a barefoot runner. And it drove me crazy that I couldn’t catch him!
The feeling coming down the stretch is one I will never forget. The cheering crowd and my husband with his iPhone capturing every blessed second capped off my year-long weight loss and fitness effort. It capped off a year of finally making consistent, life changing choices. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for my health and wellness. After struggling for so long and finally knocking down the obstacles that held me back, I was indeed rewarded by THIS PARTICULAR RACE ON THIS PARTICULAR DAY, because I now had something I could store in my memory bank for future motivation. Simply put, no other feeling beats the one that pours down upon you when you know that yours is a job well done, and you’ve earned it. I was truly happy in that moment. I raced and I finished. And I had indeed willed myself to get there.
Now I try to do one small race each month. The feeling of accomplishment, and the “bug” to do another one remains with me and it’s quite wonderful. I find too, that the overall happiness of other runners, even the serious ones, is contagious. Racing is a great place to find support and camaraderie. I have runner friends who ask me all the time when I’m going to do a longer race…like a half marathon or even just one that’s longer than 5 miles. I tell them I don’t know and at the moment I have no real desire to do any more than what I’m doing. Because the whole truth is, I still don’t LOVE running. I like the feeling I get when I’m done, and I like the feeling I get when I’ve raced, but in general I’m not gunning to accomplish anything more than I have already. I’m not looking to the future at all.
What I do in the present moment, and what I’ve done to get here is enough. It’s actually more than enough.