She’s trying to quietly love you.
Love you from a space that’s her own, a space not crowding yours.
Love you without so much advice.
She’s trying to quietly love you now.
Love you without using the words would, could, and should.
Love you without being afraid.
A mother is afraid, you know.
Yes, she’s fierce, but she’s afraid too. That will never change.
She fears you won’t be accepted,
you’ll get infected,
you’ll be rejected,
you’ll get addicted,
you’ll be molested.
Legitimate fears, don’t you think?
And a mother is also afraid to keep opinions to herself. Afraid to let you fail.
When you fail, she fails a bit too. And though that’s not true, it is what it feels like.
But she’s trying. Trying to leave you alone. To stop hovering.
To stop telling you to what to do. And how to do it. And why you should.
And what you could do. And what she would do, if she were you.
Because you know what you’re doing. And if you don’t, it’s okay.
You’ll learn. You’ll learn like everyone does.
She’s trying to remember that it’s okay to make mistakes.
She made them too.
It’s okay for you to feel responsible, disappointed, upset.
Consequences can be a good thing.
As much as it kills her, that mother, the loud one, the know it all, she’s leaving you.
She’s waving goodbye.
She’s trying to quietly love you instead.
Love you from a space that’s her own. A space not crowding yours.
So that you can think for yourself. And be yourself. And triumph on your own.
And simply be grown.
She’s trying to quietly love you. Not change you. Or control you. Or help you.
Or make you afraid to take a chance.
She will always be the voice inside your head.
The one you know. The one who comforts you.
The one who wants the best for you. The one you can always come home to.
The one without conditions.
And you will hear her voice,
just like you did when it was the quietest, softest, whisper.
Like when you were a baby.
Because you’ll always be her baby.
You will hear her voice when she’s not saying a word.
Because she’s trying to quietly love you.
Just love you quietly.
From a space not crowding yours.
Do you know how hard that is?
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