When there’s too much happiness there for just the two of you, you’ve got to figure that the next logical step is to have yourself a critter. You might need some advice and what-not, and this here is it. When you get yourself a little one it is mighty crucial to parenting success that you just love him. LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!! Or her!!! Honestly. And by love, what I mean to say is teach your little one to be a contributor instead of a consumer. Teach him to be loving, kind and well mannered. It is not okay to interrupt people. It is not okay to demand material things. Teach him to work hard for what he wants. Teach him to work hard just because a job well done is worth doing and that’s all. It is important to clean one’s room if only to inhabit a space that is not crowded with crumbs, cob webs, trinkets, and dirty socks. Remind him to go easy on the sugar. It’s your job. Teach him with your example and your actions, and not just with your words. And speaking of words, they can hurt and hate or they can heal and help. Choose them carefully. Give hugs and sing songs. Get him a dog. Dogs are more important than you know. Teach him that hitting isn’t the answer, guns do not solve problems, lying is ugly, cheating is uglier, and the earth will love you back if you respect it.
Just love him. LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Because he’s an angel! An angel straight from Heaven! Mind his little fontanel. Seriously, a baby’s head is one of the world’s most precious resources. Be gentle. Support his neck. Keep the bumps to a minimum.
If you don’t breast-feed him, he’ll hate you for it later. Even if you are not so inclined, do give breast feeding an honest go if you can. It is the natural and best way to nourish a new-born. Believe me, this is not the biggest sacrifice you will ever make for your child. Plus, economically speaking, you can save the money you would spend on formula for college. You’ll need it.
You gotta send him to State! You’ve got to save for his orthodonture and his university. Now, you soak his thumb in iodine, you might get by without the orthodonture, but it won’t knock a thing off the university. Keep this in mind. Especially if you live in Connecticut.
Sometimes it’s a hard world for small things. Remember this. Little ones need us to be the big ones. Little ones need us to be their voice. Children have the LEAST amount of rights or protection in any population. This is a good thing to keep in mind when you see a little one crying. That’s all they have.
When you let your little angel watch the TV, it’s best to keep it to two hours a day, maximum…either educational or football, so he don’t ruin his appreciation of the finer things. This goes without saying.
Be sure you have the life insurance squared away! When you’ve got a little one, don’t go skimping on the life insurance. What if you get run over? Or carried off by a twister? You gotta have something to leave to your family unit. You gotta do that!
Remember, there ain’t no pancake so thin it ain’t got two sides. This is true of any argument, anywhere, anyhow. If you got two critters, listen to both sides before making any judgments. And when the judgment becomes clear, make sure you are fair and reasonable.
You gotta get ’em dip-tet boosters yearly or else they’ll develop lockjaw and night vision. This is a given and should not be ignored or neglected.
Prison life is more structured than most men care for. If you are going to be a parent, for heaven’s sake stay out of prison.
As a general rule in the home, parents are strong and wise and capable, and all children are happy and beloved.
When you have yourself a critter just know that as is he’s awful damn good…you got the best one! So don’t go trying to change him into something he’s not. Just let him be himself.
But, as a general rule, always remember, he ain’t too good. You can tell by that twinkle in his eye. It’s best for all parents to know and understand this. Your little one isn’t perfect and he’s going to make mistakes. Don’t put anything past him. It’s your job to correct him. Do it, and then take him fishing.
Get him some jammies! Get him ones with yodas and shit on ‘em! Seriously, a baby in his jammies is about the cutest thing on the planet.
There’s what’s right, an’ there’s what’s right, and never the twain shall meet. When you become a parent you know that sometimes there’s no right answer. In fact it’s a lot of second guessing, worry, and figuring out “how to handle” the situation. Just do your best as often as possible. And pray.
When you get yourself an angel straight from heaven, you will soon realize that everythangs chhhaaannnged! There’s no going back so settle into the driver’s seat and do your job, and please do it well. It will save you from embarrassment later. He’ll thank you for it, and so will society.